Home Events How do we ask for, and receive, help?



    03 Dec 2020


    7:30 pm - 9:00 pm

    How do we ask for, and receive, help?

    Many of us grew up believing that it’s better to give than to receive. Is it difficult for you to receive love, caring, and compliments? Do you squirm when someone offers a kind word or a gift, or do you allow yourself to deeply receive the gift of kindness and connection? Do you hesitate to ask for help or support whether practical or emotional?

    We will be running a short series of sessions to discuss this topic in more detail. The purpose is to bring people together to share their experiences of asking for and receiving help. Over the series we will look at discussion points such as Vulnerability, Confidence, Loss of control, Fear of Intimacy, Societal and Ancestral influences in this area.

    It is not a series of talks or lectures but experiential work to understand this aspect of ourselves and those around us. This is a series of sessions over a 6 week period. Each session will last 60-90 minutes.

    The discussions will be led and facilitated by Stephen Pitcher


    Vulnerability – We are often afraid to admit (sometimes to ourselves) that we need help. This may be in a technical area where we feel we “should” know the answer or acknowledging a lack of a skill set we “should” have or, even, admitting we were wrong. It can be acknowledging and admitting an emotional “weakness” or struggle to cope with events or circumstances. Often we are surprised when we understand most, if not every, other person has the same doubts and struggles

    Confidence – Often we give because we do not have the confidence to say no. “No I am too drained to help you” or too busy with my own needs, aspirations etc. This may be because the last person we have compassion for is ourselves. In this case we are not minding ourselves as we often say we mind others. The confidence we need to voice our own needs comes from the strong compassion we have for ourselves

    Letting Go of Control – When we give, we’re in control in a certain way. We need to be very clear if our giving advice or practical support is helping or controlling. Often when we examine our giving we find it allows us to fill a need in ourselves such as being the good person, getting recognition, saving someone etc. When we acknowledge this we fill that need. In this way receiving becomes easier as we have no need to fill; we receive in our full power.

    Defense Against Intimacy – Receiving creates connection. The act of receiving allows or forces our barriers to be breached. It is an intimate act as we invite someone into our physical and/or emotional space. Prioritizing giving over receiving may be a way to keep people distant and our hearts defended.

    Societal Influences – Are we concerned at how we are perceived or how we want to perceive ourselves? I have seen many people give poor advice rather than “hurt” someone’s feelings.

    Ancestral Influences – We have a long history of being the victims. Have we internalised that to the extent that we don’t feel we deserve help or is it a sign of weakness to ask for help. Is help something we earn like praise or something we are all entitled to? Where is the sense of community in all this; where is our old tradition or Meitheal – helping each other within the community?

    If any of the above have pressed your buttons or piqued your curiosity please let us know. We would love you to join us to explore this topic and how we, as individuals, engage with it


    The event is finished.

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